


New beggings

by evatheappy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hange reader, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Other, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, hange yn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:47:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29081118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evatheappy/pseuds/evatheappy
Summary: hanji has a unfound liking towards the second year and needs more squad members. hanji pulls you out and introduces you to your new squad but what happens when people find out how close you and hanji are.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. the offer

Hanji had watched you during training over the last few months you noticed the section commander watching but never said anything due to not knowing her and it could have been about my performance, after training with odm gear getting perfect scores like most times I walked over to where ymir was we have been hanging out and christa of coarse, it was sweet how ymir protected her while we were taking the odm gear off ymir elbowed me in the ribs.

“ hey that hurt” I whined sarcastically to the brunette girl that stood beside me . 

“Shhh, just the commander that has been eyeing you all day is coming over here” ymir said quietly as she put her own gear back before grabbing mine as well. “ ymir! “ I scowled at her before turning to be greeted with the section commander, their eyes laid on me. I wasn’t expecting them to be that close.

“U- commander” I saluted quickly as I stood up straight putting your right hand over my heart looking at them . 

They waved their hand indicating to me to stop saluting. 

I relaxed as they told me to stop but still confused on what was going on “ is there anything I can do?” I asked the brunette who stood in front of me. They held some papers in their hand and handed them to me.

“ Section commander Hanji Zoë, nice to meet you. I've had my eye on you for a while. I’d like for you to join my squad. “ they said as they watched me look at the papers that were now in my hands. it was my scores, they were the top of the class except in hand to hand combat where Mikasa had gotten a bit of a better score. 

“Can I? I mean I’m still in my second year as a trainee.” You said with a bit of confusion but wasn’t scared at all you were actually proud that someone in the higher rankings was looking to add you to their squad. 

“ oh yes! I already talked to the other higher ups and they allowed it “ they said with a very cheery voice that made me want to smile but I fought the urge to and opted to act professional and nodded. 

“ Okay, I’d love to “ I replied to Hanji who was now smiling and jumping around 

“ gee with your record I thought you would have gone or military police” they said with a sigh of relief. “ You just have to sign that page right there,” Hanji said as they gave me a pen their hands were rough and warm even for a second of touching them. They made me feel comfortable.

I nodded and signed the paper where it asked for my name, I gave the papers back to Hanji who was still smiling i wasn't aware if it was for me or just because i joined. 

“ alright! I’ll come and get you after dinner, just make sure you have all your things by then okay?” The commander said before turning to go off who knows where . 

I stood there in shock of what just happened, I was taking it in when ymir came back around and put her arm around me and smiled. “ so what’s up with you, you look like shit” ymir snarkily said. 

I looked over to her and punched her lightly “ shut up, but section commander hanji just assigned me to her squad” i said unintentionally smiling while I had said it. 

“ really? Wow would have never guessed that, I mean the scouts are running low on soldiers but a second year ?” Ymir was basically talking to herself while I thought about Hanji.


	2. a not so great start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hanji and y/n talk more before getting down to work, but before that things get intresting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for gore and blood
> 
> sorry if its bad writing I don't usually write fight scenes but I hope you enjoy!

Ymir and Christa hung out with me all day saying how they would miss me and that they’ll see me when they get there as well. To be honest it was draining to say goodbye to them, both of them were my favourite people to talk to and I’d have to leave them within a matter of minutes since we had just had our dinner. My bag was on my bed with not much but a few pairs of clothes and some necessaries. I heard a knock at the door and went to grab it before getting pulled into a hug by christa and ymir, christa was trying not to cry. 

“ I’ll miss you two “ I spoke softly as I slipped out of their hug and grabbed my bag to open the door. I saw a small black haired man standing there I was about to ask but he cut me off. 

“ Hanji got caught up in something and told me to get you “ he muttered just so i could hear him, when i turned back around to say bye one last time to ymir and christa, the look on their face changed when they saw captain Levi who everyone knew. It didn’t bother me that Hanji couldn’t pick me up, I was looking forward to seeing them again, sure but I’ll be there soon enough. Levi had led me to a carriage outside and let me get in. He followed in after the ride would be about 45 minutes to the scout regiment where Hanji's squad was. 

The ride was long and quiet, giving me time to think about what’s going to happen when I get there, luckily Levi hadn’t said anything to me that would make me lose my thoughts. Although that did come around to bite me in the ass as we pulled up and stopped. I was still out of it in my own head while Levi got out he turned back to look at me 

“ Y/N were here “ he said. I jumped and grabbed my bag walking behind captain Levi taking in the surroundings of this place. It was dark out but lights lit up the building, people were still up and walking through the halls they were whispering while staring at me. I brushed it off as they must not see a lot of second year trainees here. 

We came to a door which Levi knocked on before opening to a big office where the commander Erwin and hanji where they were previously in a conversation before Levi interrupted i saluted as Commander Erwin Spoke “ cadet Y/N “ he said as he looked to hanji nodding before looking to me and waving his hand at me to stop saluting. 

“ welcome, Hanji here is going to be your squad leader and show you everything you’ll need to know to get around here. If you have any questions please ask “ the blonde haired man told me as levi left. I nodded and before I could say thank you I had hanji running over and dragging me out while saying “ there’s so much to show you I don’t know where I should start first!” 

I smiled at how excited hanji was and followed them down the halls. People kept on staring at me. I was getting a bit uncomfortable with it but it would settle down right? I focused back on hanji and what they were rambling on about. “ and so there are the stables just out that way, my office is up at the end of this hall same as your room.” I nodded being pulled along and into the empty room that had only a bed window desk and draws. I put my bag down and hanji smiled. I don't know if they would drag me off to go around but I was pretty tired, although I did like spending time with Hanji. 

I ran my hands through my hair and sighed as I looked at Hanji who was waiting for you to come with them. “ Come on one more thing I promise that you’ll like it” hanji said as they walked out surprisingly not grabbing my arm and forcing me along . I followed hanji and we went out to the roof where there was no one outside, it was all dark except for the stars that gave off a shine of light. Hanji layed down and so did I next to them. I wasn’t sure what we we’re doing out here but it was nice and quiet so there wasn’t much to complain about. 

“ this is my favourite place here, it gives me a break when things are getting frustrating.” Hanji said as they looked over to me I was looking to the sky in peace. It had been the only time that I was relaxed all day. 

“ why’d you choose me?” I asked out of nowhere from what Hanji would have thought but it’s been a question that I couldn’t answer. I looked over to Hanji who looked like they were thinking.

“ your scores were some of the best I’ve seen and with no prior knowledge or experience, your written test scores were amazing as well and your thinking under pressure is a good thing” Hanji said quietly as they sat up before going in they helped me up before walking to our rooms 

“ Thank you commander Hanji,” I said as I walked with her trying not to fall asleep right then and there. 

“Hanji” they said as they stopped at my door. 

“Pardon?” Is all I could say in my tired daze. 

“ No need to be so formal, Hanji is fine” they said as they shot me a smile before turning to their own room. 

I smiled as I watched Hanji walk into their room before closing my door without even taking off my clothes. I had instantly fallen asleep crashing onto my bed. 

When I woke up the sun was barely up and it was cold, the dew on the window sill was still cold to the touch I changed my clothes since I was up already. I went down to the mess hall and grabbed some water not sure what exactly to do and everyone else was asleep. I heard someone coming down I stiffened up I looked to the hall and saw Levi come down hand grab something from the kitchen before walking back up to his room, he looked really tired and miserable which I guess would happen especially in the scouts I finished the water and put the glass back after I cleaned it and went upstairs to go back to my room.

As I was heading up hanji came towards me with papers in her hand “ oh thank goodness you're up I need your help, come with me” I turned and walked off to wherever hanji was going, I took some of the papers from hanji making their load lighter and so they could actually see where they were going. Hanji kicked in a door leaving a boot mark on the bottom of it. I walked into the room that was filled with boards and papers. I set the stack down near where Hanji put the stack they were carrying . I sat down on the floor as I watched hanji try to figure something out. I couldn’t help but smile seeing Hanji and how they were so focused. 

“Com- hanji, do you need any help?” I asked getting up to see the layout of papers and pictures of something to help our weapons lighter or that’s what I could conclude from what I saw. 

“Hmm? Oh sure! Can you run these to Erwin I should’ve handed them in last night but was too busy working on this. “ they said, handing me a box of papers. I headed out to the hall and recalled where Ewing’s office was from last night. I walked through the almost empty halls and knocked on the door before coming in.

I put the box on the side of erwins desk “ Hanji asked me to give these to you they said they were working on something “ I was about to turn when I heard him call my name 

“Y/N, are you comfortable working here? “ the commander said, I nodded 

“Sir with all due respect I did choose to accept the opportunity to work under Hanji,” I said with a firm voice that made me feel strong. He nodded letting me go on my way. 

The halls were dimly lit, I couldn’t help but feel watched even though barely any people were up yet. As I walked to the door back where hanji was I walked in and watched as to what they were doing, they were running around with their hair covering their face and putting papers together. I stood there wanting to help but didn’t want to get in the way either. I watched as the papers were bound together and they put them on their desk, 

“That's all done for now” they said relieved that it was done. “ Anyway, we have to go, training is in a bit. make sure you're ready,” hanji told me as they walked me down to the supply room and grabbed some gear that would be mine for however long it would take to break. I took some of the gear that hanji grabbed for me and went to the courtyard where we would be meeting or at least that’s what they said. I put on the odm gear pulling the straps around my body taught so it wouldn’t fall off. Hanji had gone inside and when I was done putting it all on everyone else from hanji's squad came out with them. 

The others were whispering to each other before hanji shot them a glare and they had immediately stopped the soldiers lined up beside me on either side. They were looking at hanji but it still felt like they were all looking at me. I disregarded it and listened to hanji who was giving orders.

“ today I think Levi said he was going to team up with our squad and work on our endurance, mainly with our odm gear as well as not wasting all your gas” the commander finished explaining it as Levi and his squad came out 

We all went to the forest near the scouts hq it took about five minutes to get there. Levi's squad wasn’t much to talk and I still didn’t know anyone from hanjis either so I just waited until we started. Levi shot a flare to indicate us to start. We had to take down the fake titans using as little gas as we could. I went east and no one but me was around, I saw a titan and sliced it’s nape off, I used my legs to push off of the prop instead of using gas. I did this a few more times and soon found myself in the middle of the forest seeing people fly by me. They were going pretty fast which meant that they were using gas to get to places faster. I took down several more of the prop titans but was stopped in my tracks by a sound of a flare going off it was red, I used my gear to get back over to the tree line where we started. 

Levi was standing there with a cold look, well he always seemed like that . Hanji looked at me with their smile they always had. I walked over to hanji and stood beside Moblit who was already here. Levi's squad returned both sides of me were crowded with the soldiers even though there were only nine along with me.

“How much gas did you use” he said, more demanding than asking, I looked down to see my tank at 80 perscent capacity. He went to eld and stood in front of him. I was focusing on hanji and before I knew it Levi was in front of me. “I still have 80 percent of my gas, sir” I said as I looked at him.he nodded and went down the rest of the line. When he was finished he stood in the middle of us. “Oluo you used the most, cleaning duty for you” he said and i watched as the smirky smile turned into a frown on Oluos face. I looked back at hanji and smiled while they were watching the rest of the soldiers. Levi had dismissed us 

I had my odm straps stikk on me for safety, just in case. I walked out to the courtyard to see the horses in the stables which I gave mine a groom to just spend some time with him. I saw petra coming out with buckets of water one in each hand balancing out her body weight. I didnt say a word to the redhead who seemed to be heading off to the other side of the stables. I left putting the brushes back where they were. I went to the dinning hall where I grabbed a water like earlier but there was a lot of people in there this time around, I was walking to go sit down when some asshole came up and intentionally spilled his drink onto my shirt. I was there my shirt soaked and this ass standing there laughing at me.

“Oh gee sorry about that” he said in between laughing at me.

I scuffed and saw out of my peripheral view that some people were gathering around “tell your buddies about this?” i said smiling not caring about anyone right now.

The guy grabbed my throat and pushed me back but couldn't go very far since people were in a circle around us. I took this to my advantage and pulled my right hand over his and and clasped my other hand together and pulled down breaking his hold on my neck, I then pulled his head down and kneed him in the chest. He took a few steps back before looking up at me.

“ you bitch” he yelled before coming at me, setting up his arm for me to grab and push him away while also punching him in the shoulder, making him fall to the floor. I had barely done anything when I saw people scattering away. I looked over my shoulder to see Erwin, Hanji and Levi coming over. I rolled my eyes and “shit” I mumbled to myself.

The guy got up again running at me and i stepped to the side but he grabbed my leg pulling me down onto the floor he got on top of me and started to beat my face in it hurt like a son of a bitch and that's when i realised he had a piece of metal between his knuckles and me. I pulled my arms over my face but were pushed away by him.i could feel my eye throbbing and something most likely blood dripping down my face onto my shirt that was covered in beer from the asshole.

Erwin and levi were pulling this guy off of me as soon as they got there, i opened my eye but could only see out of one but i did see hanji running over to me and putting their hand on my back i didn't realize that it was them so i jumped forward without thinking and was greeted by pain shooting through my left side of my face and down my collar bone. Hanji had apparently held me in their arms, not letting me move to cause any more damage, since I couldn't move.i watched as the scout member who had just beat me up being walked out by erwin and levi they passed by and i heard the asshole say something to me.

“You're not worth it here, you should have gone through hell to get here but no and it's because of her feelings towards you” he yelled at me and I heard him jump towards me but Levi kicked him making him whine like a bitch.

I felt Hanji lift me up and I went along with it this time having relaxed a bit from the realization.i put my arm around them and they helped me to the infirmary while holding me up. There was a trail of blood following us from my eye and chest, as hanji helped me onto the bed in the infirmary and grabbed some cloth.

“ this is going to hurt a lot “ they said while putting something on the cloth and they pressed it onto my eye. I winced as they pressed the cloth onto my eye but didn't want to make them feel bad for helping and sucked it up.

“ How the hell did you get into a fight with that asshole? ``Hanji asked me as they wiped off the blood from the rest of my body and neck.

I scuffed “ he picked it and i was doing fine until i saw you” i smiled weakly which was quickly replaced by me biting my lip to stop myself from making any noise.

“ really? That's interesting” hanji said while they got a needle out, they looked over to me before grabbing a syringe and phishing it into my arm.

“What was that?” i asked while starting to sit up looking over to hanji before passing out.

“ I'm sorry I just can't see you in pain any longer, this will only take a little bit. I promise it'll be okay when you wake up,” they said while moving my H/C hair out of my eyes.


	3. crimson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> content warning blood  
> I hope you guys like angst

When i woke up i sat up immediately and looked around to see hanji sleeping leaning on levis shoulder on some chairs by my bed that was still in the infirmary i relaxed seeing hanji and layed back down looking up the the ceiling with one of my eyes covered i put a hand on it and felt a bandage it hurt a lot when i barely touched it “what the hell happened to my eye?” I asked myself just barely under my breath.

“Hanji said it was in pretty bad shape when they stitched it up” levi commented on the remark I had made just moments earlier.

“ wow i never knew not like i can't see anything” i said not wanting to talk to the pissy short stack.

“Tsk, you should know better,” he said as he got up and left, leaving Hanji in a half dazed state of waking up from Levi moving their head. Hanji looked up to me and immediately woke up 

“”Y/N! You're up, I'm so sorry i did that without asking but you weren't thinking clearly and your body was shaking “they started to ramble on.

“Hanji, it's fine,” I said while sitting up leaning on my arms that were helping to push me up.

“Yeah um i had to put stitches in your eye,i haven't changed the bandages since then but probably should check on them” hanji spoke while getting up and grabbing some more bandages from the cupboard. I just watched and felt hanji touch my arm without thinking like before and I jumped to the side avoiding their touch.

“I'm sorry,” that's all I heard from Hanji before I felt them take my bandages off which I was expecting. cold air to hit my fresh wound and it stung Hanji took my chin with their hand and tilted my head up to theirs. 

“ Still looking like there is going to be damage” they said before cleaning it with a damp cloth. I clenched my jaw and waited until they were done to set out a sigh. When hanji was done rewrapping my eye i looked away from them not wanting to accept that this was actually happening .

“The guy who did this, he's going to get sent out to the garrison. Or that's what Levi decided “they said trying to get me to talk or show interest in something, anything. I kept looking down to the ground, the white thin blankets covering me left me warm. I heard Hanji walk out without saying anything, did I scare them away by not wanting to talk? I asked myself before laying down again as my head started to hurt once again. I layed on my right side that wasn't in pain except for maybe a bruise but it wasn't as bad as my left. 

I tried to sleep but my mind was racing and the pain was growing in my eye or what's left of it at least. I groaned as I started to get up leaning onto my hands for support as I sat up. I twisted myself, my legs were now hanging off the edge and I stayed there for a minute not wanting to really get up. After a little bit I got up and walked to the washroom leaning onto the door frame as I closed the door behind me. I went to the washroom and washed my hands in the sink glancing up to my face which was mainly covered in a bandage but also stained from the blood. I sighed not wanting to look back up. I turned and opened the door walking back to the bed I was previously ini almost fell but caught myself on the bed i was frustrated and tired i couldn't even bring myself to get up from where i was, i turned and sat on the floor in the dark i pulled my knees up to my chest and hid my head down. 

About an hour passed, the room was slowly getting more and more dark as time went by. There was a knock at the door and it opened and Hanji came in with papers piled in their arms “hey…” they looked over and saw me on the ground. They put down the stack of papers on the table and rushed over “ are you okay? What happened, are you hurt?” they talked so fast i could barely comprehend what they were saying. 

I looked up to them and they helped me up, laying me down on the bed before sitting beside me. “ Sorry for worrying you, I just fell and couldn't get up” hanji looked over your body “ are you hurt?” they asked, visibly concerned. “No,” I said, my uncovered eye barely being held open. They got up “ well okay then, just be careful” they shot a smile at y/n and sat down in the chair they had previously slept in the night before. 

I fell asleep soon after hanji had helped me back up, i woke up and looked over to see hanji still sitting there working on their paperwork that i guess they had to still go through. I tried getting up while I was in the middle of doing so before hanji got up and walked over to me “ do you need anything? Can I help?” they asked me. I smiled weakly before shaking my head which made my head hurt more than before.” it's fine, I promise, ``I said, patting hanjis shoulder and getting up to go to the washroom. I felt something dripping down my face while I was getting up. I raised my hand to my face and felt a liquid. I pulled my hand down and saw crimson red blood on my fingers. I opened the door covering the doorknob with blood “h-hanji” I called out to them before holding myself up on the doorframe. Hanji looked up to see me stained with my own blood resting on the wall. They pushed their work off their lap and ran over to me pulling my arm around them and helping me to the bed. I laid back swallowing a lump in my throat. I looked at Hanji clearly in distress but i couldn't feel a lot of it. They took off the blood soaked bandage and grabbed gauze that was next to them on the counter and applied pressure to my eye. I didn't take my gaze off of Hanji. They made me feel calm in this situation. 

Hanji lifted the gauze off of my face slightly and switched it out with a clean one throwing the blood soaked one to the side. Hanji was clearly in shock and was visibly concerned “ not so good s it” i more stated ten asked hanji. “Huh- oh no your fine” they said while looking back to grab some more gauze, they called someone in to go grab more supplies. “”Hanji don't lie, please “ hanji looked to me and put their free hand on the side of my cheek, “ your okay, your still here I won't let you go”


	4. deal not ideal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sorry

I felt a hot tear roll down my cheek that hanji quickly wiped away i didn't want them to see me like this crying over how i could go from being perfectly fine to almost bleeding out and to think that i had pushed hanji away just hours before.

“ you're okay,you'll be fine ill make sure of that i promise you my dear” hanji said as they held down on the gauze tightening their grip on it. I let out a shaky sigh trying to hold back the sobs that I could feel building up in my throat. I heard someone come in their footsteps were rushed yet light, I heard his voice and immediately picked up it was levi. I stayed as still as i could listening to hanji telling the shorty to hand them things when my attention was caught with 

“ You're going to have to hold her down,” I widened my eye looking at Hanji, visibly worried and rightly so. Hanji smiled weakly and I looked to their eyes which were now covered with a gloss of tears. They wouldn't let any fall to make it seem as if it would be all alright. They brushed my hair out of my face as I felt Levi hold my shoulders and brace my neck down. I was so tired I didn't think I could even move. 

“There's no more sedative, we-i didn't think this would happen. Im sorry but it's going to be okay” i tried collecting my breath and taking deep breaths of hot air filled my lungs as i relaxed my head feeling cool air hitting my open wound which was quickly washed down with alcohol stinging the whole side of my face. I fought everything my body told me and buried my instinct to flinch away from any touch. Hanji lent down placing a kiss on my forehead which I was too focused to give them something, anything telling them that I appreciate it. They pushed a cold metal needle into my blood stained skin a few millimeters away from the wound. I tensed up feeling my whole body shake lightly which made Levi hold me down firmer. Hanji repeated what they were doing as I silently screamed not making any sound but tears ran down my face and I started feeling lightheaded before I heard Hanji put the instruments from their hands down making a clattering on the metal side table. Levi released his hold on me but I didn't move at all. My eye was open but i couldnt see properly from the tears that had welled up yet again. I couldn't comprehend what was going on but could faintly hear hanji talking to me and soon after i felt them lean their head on my side. I was drifting in and out of sleep for what seemed like ten minutes but was actually hours. 

After I finally woke up and was staying up I moved my arm across to hanji who was still laying there on the side of the bed, their head laying on my side. “ hanji-” I weakly spoke my voice raspy and dry. Hanji woke up and looked up at me “ your up!” they said excitedly and grabbing my hand and holding it i looked to them and saw them almost crying like they were before.

“Im sorry i didn't want to do it” hanji spoke with a slight shake in their voice while putting their head on my chest lightly making sure it wasn't uncomfortable for me “i would understand if you want to switch” i interrupted hanji before they said anything else.

“ no, you had to, I know that and if i were to blame anyone it would be the asshole who did this to me. I'd never blame you ``I said between coughs with my hoarse voice.

Hanji got up and grabbed a cup from where they were earlier and filled it with water coming back over to me. They were handing me the cup when they saw how shaky my hands were. They pushed my hand away and lifted it up to my mouth, giving me just enough so it wouldn't spill out of my mouth. I swallowed and looked over to the commander,they were sitting on the side of my bed and had put their hand on my arm stroking their thumb over my wrist. I looked down to their hand stroking over my dirt covered arm.

“You stayed the whole time I was out,” I said as I looked over at the window into the dark obis that laid outside the glass telling me that it had been quite a while. “Yeah, i couldn't leave you alone i thought something would happen again” they said as they straightened in their chair and fixed their hair moving it out of their glasses. 

I slightly smiled weakly as i sat up looking over at hanji, “ you didn't have to you know-” i was cut off by hanji shushing me “ no its my choice and i didnt want to leave you, not after what happened. And i like staying with you so its not a big deal” 

I looked at Hanji in a bit of shock. ``Do you like hanging out with me even when i'm practically asleep?” i wondered why they would want to stay by me. 

Hanji glanced up from looking down, “ yeah i do and your awake now but if your tired you really should sleep “ 

I scuffed and immediately regretted it as i clutched at my stomach from the light laugh. “ says the one who i've caught up working at three in the morning” hanji held their hand out to aid me after laughing and I pushed it away slightly “it’s fine, I’ll be alright for now “ I said watching hanji and seeing them once again put their hand on my arm again going back to rubbing their thumb over my arm.


	5. deal not ideal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sorry

I felt a hot tear roll down my cheek that hanji quickly wiped away i didn't want them to see me like this crying over how i could go from being perfectly fine to almost bleeding out and to think that i had pushed hanji away just hours before.

“ you're okay,you'll be fine ill make sure of that i promise you my dear” hanji said as they held down on the gauze tightening their grip on it. I let out a shaky sigh trying to hold back the sobs that I could feel building up in my throat. I heard someone come in their footsteps were rushed yet light, I heard his voice and immediately picked up it was levi. I stayed as still as i could listening to hanji telling the shorty to hand them things when my attention was caught with 

“ You're going to have to hold her down,” I widened my eye looking at Hanji, visibly worried and rightly so. Hanji smiled weakly and I looked to their eyes which were now covered with a gloss of tears. They wouldn't let any fall to make it seem as if it would be all alright. They brushed my hair out of my face as I felt Levi hold my shoulders and brace my neck down. I was so tired I didn't think I could even move. 

“There's no more sedative, we-i didn't think this would happen. Im sorry but it's going to be okay” i tried collecting my breath and taking deep breaths of hot air filled my lungs as i relaxed my head feeling cool air hitting my open wound which was quickly washed down with alcohol stinging the whole side of my face. I fought everything my body told me and buried my instinct to flinch away from any touch. Hanji lent down placing a kiss on my forehead which I was too focused to give them something, anything telling them that I appreciate it. They pushed a cold metal needle into my blood stained skin a few millimeters away from the wound. I tensed up feeling my whole body shake lightly which made Levi hold me down firmer. Hanji repeated what they were doing as I silently screamed not making any sound but tears ran down my face and I started feeling lightheaded before I heard Hanji put the instruments from their hands down making a clattering on the metal side table. Levi released his hold on me but I didn't move at all. My eye was open but i couldnt see properly from the tears that had welled up yet again. I couldn't comprehend what was going on but could faintly hear hanji talking to me and soon after i felt them lean their head on my side. I was drifting in and out of sleep for what seemed like ten minutes but was actually hours. 

After I finally woke up and was staying up I moved my arm across to hanji who was still laying there on the side of the bed, their head laying on my side. “ hanji-” I weakly spoke my voice raspy and dry. Hanji woke up and looked up at me “ your up!” they said excitedly and grabbing my hand and holding it i looked to them and saw them almost crying like they were before.

“Im sorry i didn't want to do it” hanji spoke with a slight shake in their voice while putting their head on my chest lightly making sure it wasn't uncomfortable for me “i would understand if you want to switch” i interrupted hanji before they said anything else.

“ no, you had to, I know that and if i were to blame anyone it would be the asshole who did this to me. I'd never blame you ``I said between coughs with my hoarse voice.

Hanji got up and grabbed a cup from where they were earlier and filled it with water coming back over to me. They were handing me the cup when they saw how shaky my hands were. They pushed my hand away and lifted it up to my mouth, giving me just enough so it wouldn't spill out of my mouth. I swallowed and looked over to the commander,they were sitting on the side of my bed and had put their hand on my arm stroking their thumb over my wrist. I looked down to their hand stroking over my dirt covered arm.

“You stayed the whole time I was out,” I said as I looked over at the window into the dark obis that laid outside the glass telling me that it had been quite a while. “Yeah, i couldn't leave you alone i thought something would happen again” they said as they straightened in their chair and fixed their hair moving it out of their glasses. 

I slightly smiled weakly as i sat up looking over at hanji, “ you didn't have to you know-” i was cut off by hanji shushing me “ no its my choice and i didnt want to leave you, not after what happened. And i like staying with you so its not a big deal” 

I looked at Hanji in a bit of shock. ``Do you like hanging out with me even when i'm practically asleep?” i wondered why they would want to stay by me. 

Hanji glanced up from looking down, “ yeah i do and your awake now but if your tired you really should sleep “ 

I scuffed and immediately regretted it as i clutched at my stomach from the light laugh. “ says the one who i've caught up working at three in the morning” hanji held their hand out to aid me after laughing and I pushed it away slightly “it’s fine, I’ll be alright for now “ I said watching hanji and seeing them once again put their hand on my arm again going back to rubbing their thumb over my arm. hanji watched me as i slowly dozed off into sleep away from the pain.


End file.
